Building capacity is a lifelong skill.
Our capacity is infinite and building it takes practice and challenging ourselves in healthy ways so our system can grow (this is called neuro-stimulation which we will cover on Day 7).
Today the main teachings are within the video above.
Additional Resources & Education
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ARTICLE & VIDEO: Why everyone can heal, but not everyone will.
IMPORTANT: If you have a QUESTION for this lesson, please start your comment below with the word: Question. This way we can easily find the questions ?.
For all other comments, shares, observations, and the like, simply share below!
Thank you in advance, Irene & Team Lyon.
Very interesting. This is letting me see in a new way how deeply my religious upbringing affected me. My parents are very good, kind people who only wanted the best for me. They were also pretty emotionally distant and taught me that I am a fundamentally a bad, sinful creature who deserves punishment just for existing. I’m going through a very difficult decision right now, and my dad (a retired, fundamentalist pastor) actually told me NOT to do a certain thing because I felt like I really wanted it. And that’s the message he’s given me my whole life. My dad is actually a gem of a man, and he wants me to be happy. He’s just operating from the programming he grew up with, which told him that if we want something, it must be sinful. And that’s the only way he can understand life. In other ways, he supports me in doing things that make me happy, but his core beliefs come out in pivotal times.
Because of the situation I’m in currently, I’m seeing in a new way how much my difficulty in making decisions and charting the path I want in life comes back to these beliefs of shame and un-deservingness.
Question
Hi, I have some questions on this lesson and a general question:
1.To take a sentence from the transcript “De-stressing daily to me is more than just the specific times of doing exercises…It’s this capacity, this ability to really feel our system coming down, when we’re not consciously trying to bring it down”
Im a little confused by this – how do we increase capacity / feel our system coming down, beyond doing the neurosensory exercises?
2.I think I understand that is a lack of capacity causes dysregulation to occur (Diagram- When fight/ flight / freeze stays stuck aka deregulation)
But what causes us to have that lack of capacity in the first place?
3.What is your definition of ‘Stress?’
4..When people say they are stressed, what actually does this mean in regard to whats going on in the nervous system? Is it simply when the fight / flight / freeze is activated?
Many thanks!🙂
Questions:
Hi again 🙂 I was wondering if you have any input/words that could help me follow my own pace more naturally (since this seems to be very important in this work). I have a tendency to push and that can look like this feeling that i just need to figure out what x sensation means and move it out of my body, find the right technique etc. Thankfully i have been able to slow down a lot compared to earlier, but this urge to solve something still shows up fairly often. And also, any thoughts on how to discern when a feeling/sensation could be looked at more and when its best to slow down and orient/find safety etc.
Also, do you have any experience with flower essences?
Thanks <3
Question: Regarding the article “Why everyone can heal, but not everyone will.”, is it possible to heal if we don’t believe we can deep down? How can a person believe they can heal until they’ve affirmed the belief through experience (by healing)?
Does not believing you can heal mean that you don’t truly “want” to heal?
Can forgetting what it felt like to be healthy cause a person to lose the “want” to heal?
If so, could such amnesia theoretically be self-inflicted, as a form of learned helplessness (removing the “want” so that one stops trying altogether)?
I notice how often i almost want to fall asleep listening to Irene and then have to rewind and listen again …. i’m guessing this might also be a good sign .. that my nervous system is ‘letting go’ in the presence of hearing her voice, the tone of her voice, regulation and words. Is it normal to feel ‘tired and dose off’ ?
Hi. I am going throught the courses again. I am a alumni 21 days and sbsm. I have been living with CFS-long covid-adrenal fatigue since 15 monnths. I got so much better in the last few months, I thought I was sky rocketting to healing. More capacity, working part time a non stressful job, mooving my body slowly but no real sports…..
But after having an eye exam at the optometrist (lots of light in the eye etc) I restarted to get light sensitivity, noise sensitivity, periphereal neurological symptoms, brain fog, crazy fatigue etc. Did this just overwhelm my nervous system that was coping but still sensitive?
Any hints of a specific exercicse that could help me to come back to more energy ?
I feel a mix of flight freeze, cause I sleep really well but been feeling super emotional, tired, not motivated, depressed and disouraged but anxious all at once. Which I have nt feel in a few months ( stopped all sleep pills and cbd with this work and pEMF therapy…). I feel like I have some stuff that wants to release.Any help woudl be welcomed, I m not sure if Im clear enough.
cheers
ps: i ve been doing lots of gut brain awareness, adrenal dropsm dropin in, orienting etc
Are there physical exercises to release trauma within this program or are they all mental?
Questions:
-At what age does a human have a fully functioning nervous system on board?
-How would I help my infant child, if I had a stressful pregnancy or they have been in stressful situations post birth, to deal with these stressful/traumatic situations so it doesn’t get built up and/or negatively impact their nervous system and the development of their nervous system in the future. Is there a way to support/help infants process trauma and/or de-stress in real time?
Weird dreams last night after day 4 this week. Noticing a lot more in my body.
Question: I was so excited to start this program (and still am), however I received a big blow this morning when my landlord messaged me and told me he is selling my apartment. I have lived here for 23 years!! How does one continue to stay conscious (especially with autoimmune stuff arising with stress) and keep continuing this program without being thrown off? At the beginning of this program, I started a little routine where I was walking my dog around the neighborhood and sensing and feeling and hearing all of the sounds around me, and it was becoming so relaxing and happy for me.
QUESTION: Hi Team Lyon – I have slowly over the last four years dropped my anti-depressants to a minimum and the last few days I have had the intuitive impulsealternate days between not having any and having them. I follow my intuition impulses on this and have done a lot of work in developing that intuition. I think there is some unfreezing going on but also some deep sadness so I just feel these random waves or everythign between fear, despair, sadness, rage, anger. I do note however, I do seem to have more energy.
So my question is that since I’ve dropped further, I am noticing there is a combination of fear and kind of energy moving through and sort of a bit of shut-down at the same time and I feel a bit stuck between the two – I can’t seem to drop into real rest/digest and wake at night with these feelings. I am trying some pendulation but when I look to the environment, I see things I don’t like and that creates annoyance. I find walking and orienting outside helps a bit. I had the thought of maybe doing some harder exercise to sort of increase the sympathetic more so it can move through my system a bit. Is that a good idea?
Question: Irene talks about flow in our nervous system. What exactly is flowing?
As I dive into the course, I’m getting anxiety (panic feelings). Are there “strategies” you would recommend to help with this? I’ve been doing the titration (taking things slowly). But then sometimes, I’m taking weeks to dive back in because I don’t want to feel the “panic feeling” My system is really really off, so any help you have, would be great. Thanks so much! I want to go all in on the course, but my body/ brain is saying… no-no-no…
Thank you for these lessons. They’ve really been helping me. I think I’ve been coming out of functional freeze in the past few months and I’ve been experiencing extreme emotions to the point where they completely consume me. I’m doing my best to orient and be with the emotions that come up, but they are now starting to hinder my work. I get to the point where I have an irrational fear of needing to be on anti depressants to function properly for work. In these moments of building capacity, would orienting as much as I can get me through those moments?
Question: Is it possible for some kind of shock to pull you out of functional freeze in a beneficial way? As I dive into this work I feel as if that may be happening to me- due to a prolonged family crisis I went into a few months of functional freeze and suddenly after having eye surgery a week and a half ago, I feel as if I’m coming alive again. Despite the pain and emotions around surgery (and bringing up old stuff too) I feel as if I have more access to my own life force energy, more motivation, have been getting up earlier and being much more organized and productive then I have been since early in the year. When I look back a decade ago at the initial accident that is still causing the eye issue, the same thing happened. I looked like a gargoyle post-reconstruction and my job was essentially ended by the accident, but I felt so grateful, grounded, and full of life and it lasted months until a series of other traumatic events occurred that slowly pulled me back into a severe state of shutdown including my immune system. I’m curious-is this a thing that can happen in Team Lyon’s experience?
Question:
Thank you for the program, i love the neuro-censory exercice, i m just confused, i am questionning everything now, is a spirituality a mental construct, wht about the angel numbers, 111, 222, 333, i tend to see this numbers everywhere, are the messages vehiculated by this numbers accurate or my mind interpretation, if no is the divine energy real? i am losing my faith or my mind haha!
I have very strange question could you help me?
I want to know if my problem is lack of capacity of feeling good emotion and being able to receive ( love, money ..).
I had a client who said yes for working with me as a coach, i know this person for 9 month( she trusts me) and but she had not sent the money yet so after being happy and sharing the news with my brother, i woke up that night at 2 am with anxiety almost a panick attack , thinking that she will change her mind,
i could not go back to sleep, i had a terrible day that finishes with me losing 3 golden rings … my mind went crazy…i thought my brother cursed me, he was jealous, why this is happening ( victim mentality)…
I am wondering, if all of this is just my body manifesting that he is not ready to the have a job that i love and make money, is it because, i do not have the somatic capacity, by the way: the client ghosted me !!! was my anxiety just the fact that i knew what would happen before it happened, i am confused.
Thank you for your help
Question
First of all i like to thank you for the constant personal support.
Im practicing orienting daily, aswell as following impulse and potent posture. After a long break due to overwhelm I’ve started the course again with even smaller babysteps.
Since three weeks the babysteps seem to work much better for me.
I have experienced very disturbing dreams about my past, which i think are a result of this work (old stuff coming up).
But also, yesterday, i have had the worst menstruation cramps and pain, almost fainting several times.
I know this kind of menst. pain only from my teenage years. And im wondering, could this have something to do with this work. Im so curious to understand what just happened there.
Do you have any thoughts on this?
Since the only thing that is different in this menstruation cycle is, that i have been doing this work.
Thank you!
~ Question ~
I get the pool analogy and sense it is doing something internally. Is the purpose for now exactly that, anchoring this image inside/planting the seed or do you encourage to actually assess my pool&balls before scheduling and committing to things, to anything?
So for instance, that day I first did this lesson and shared about my moment of road rage down below, it only occured to me way afterwards that I was very short on capacity, and why, and that I probably shouldn‘t have driven the car given accessible alternatives like bus.
To be completely honest, with some things I‘m just like, really hope my capacities are half-way in place in order to carry out this series of crazy tasks. Or I hear myself say, hmm, I didn‘t go as far over capacity as I used to.
Not sure even if this kind of talk is an old self-deprecating humour path or on the other hand new (old) wisdom about to be re-wired…
Question #2: How do I convince my system “in my cells” (with so much in-utero shame/trauma, adoption and never ending early developmental shaming/trauma toxic stuff that I deserve to heal if it’s not just a cognitive belief change? I often feel my whole system (not every “part” is on board with deserving” Thank you
Question: Is the orienting, and practicing it a lot (pausing etc) helping to re-wire the brain as well as building capacity? I tend to have so much “dysregulation” that even basic tasks (brushing teeth, making breakfast) It feels kind of like my system thinks the house is on fire. Or a bear is chasing me. That is, this constant need to rush/feels panicked, high alert and it is very hard (sometimes impossible) for me to interrupt it. I am getting a bit better at my ability to do this despite how challenging it is for me. Any other suggestions?
Question: If i can’t make sense of whats going on internally does it mean that i am out of my capacity? And what should i do in that case. I find my self having an extremely tough time understanding when im doing to much and what my body signals that i am doing to much are. And i find myself lately struggling to understand letters if that makes sense… for example when i will read whosever going to answer it comment i will probably have a really hard time understanding what you wrote its like my brain have a hard time understanding What is it that i am reading.
I hope all of that makes sense and that my english is understandable would like to hear back from the team.
Thanks in advance 🙏🏻
Question: How do I help others develop their ability to believe that they can heal and feel on a deeper level that they deserve to heal? I am a therapist and I get stuck on this a lot, especially with teenagers. Thank you so much!
Came here to give myself credit for how messy and bumpy this part of
themy ride into the unknown is – relapsing into a bout of very fight&flighty road rage (which I thought I’d overcome a while ago haha not) on the very day of “building capacity and de-stressing”. Underneath of that a huge reservoir of grief showed up, where crying has had a sad but beautiful cleansing quality. Watching the video has helped me to frame something like an inner battle of parts fighting about deserving to heal or not.In any case, seeing so many fellow explorers and exploresses here on the board and in the program makes it easier to witness the battle with more self-compassion. So hi! and a deeply felt thank you to everyone in the field.
Question:
Are there any resources to check if my family environment is healthy for me or not?
I currently live with my parents and I’ve been conditioned to believe that this is the safest place and environment I could be in, however, I continue to experience chronic illness/dysregulated NS while living here.
I have usually experienced shame and feelings of wrongness when it comes to questioning whether my family is a safe enough environment for me to be myself + heal my nervous system. I have a very strong feeling that it is not, but I will get a couple of comments from them saying: “How can you not see that we’ve created the safest place for you? You’re ungrateful.” And I will default back to living here once again without questioning it, tapping into the unworthiness/not deserving feelings Irene mentions in the Trauma Tip video.
I would like more guidance to find my inner compass so that I may determine this for myself. It’s frustrating that I automatically believe their words more than mine, but that is why I want to build that capacity to listen to my body and take action toward bettering my health with confidence!
Questions: My question doesn’t directly correspond with todays lesson it more or less has to deal with what has been covered the last few days… I just wanted to verify somethings that I have been experiencing since starting the program.
First, just a quick background on myself, I’m an integrative women’s health coach with a focus on infradian rhythm. I mention that because for the last three years a lot of my work involves essentially paying attention to how your body physically feels. Some of the things I noticed is I’ve been extra hungry, more inflammed, tension headaches and lower back pain. Also bloaty, I will also add, that maybe I was doing too much too soon. Is this normal?
Second, When I’m orienting, I notice that while most of my body can feel relaxed, I’ll have stints of feeling like a weight is on my chest or throat, what do you recommend for this?
Lastly, I enjoy EFT, I’ve been doing it the last three months and started doing breath work in the last couple of (I really like it)…Should I pause these practices for the rest of the 21 days or is it ok to keep doing them?
Question: This lesson has been fascinating, but it has left me wondering: What does “releasing store stress” actually look/feel like? What are some examples of stored stress being released? Many thanks!
Question: Trauma Tip #3 Article was the first time I heard the topic of “shame” come up. I appreciated what I read in this article (let me try to summarize my takeaways): parents can use shaming practices that use disconnection and humiliation as a way to control infant’s/child’s behaviors. In response to such toxic energy, children “go internal” with feelings of despair, sadness, and hopelessness. Such early experiences can imprint a sense of toxic / chronic shame into our biology. Such experiences can lead us to question our self-worth and sense of belonging. We might even conclude “we are the problem.” We can also come to see connection as “bad” and come to view the world is dangerous and full of threats. We may not even feel worthy of safe relationships and safe spaces. May years later, as adults, we can remain disconnected from ourselves, others and the environment…. my question is: Can you point me in the direction of other videos/articles where Irene explores how we can adopt shame at an early age and how understanding / addressing shame is part of our trauma journey. Thanks. Brian
Hallo
I see that I have only day 2. before I had 21 days?
Wow, just orienting and feeling safe and deserving of healing brought up this thought: I don’t deserve to be nurtured. A lot of sadness came with it. Now I know why I refuse to cook and feed myself well…it’s to maintain that old belief.
Question: Hi, every time I start to work (at computer, I’m an interior designer), I start also feeling a lot of tension in my body. Mostly in legs but also in arms, shoulders and chest. And I feel the urge to do everythig very fast…even when there is no such need in reality. It seams that working puts me immediately in fight and flight mode and I stay stuck there. (I like my work, though I don’t like deadlines :)) When it goes on for a while, my general anxiety level rises and it could lead even to panic attacks. Should I stop every time I notice muscle tension and just scan my body and stay with those sensations or should I try orienting for coming down and relax?
Question: the first week of practicing has been interesting. I’ve had 2 nights of great sleep (first in months) and some of the worst anxiety/sleep. I’m learning a ton, connecting dots and having lots of stuff come up. I’d like to keep learning and making progress with the sleep but I’m thinking the intense anxiety is telling me to take a break. Is this to be expected and any feedback? Thank you!
Question: A couple nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night to what I can only describe as a panic attack. My body was overheating and my heart was pounding harder than it ever has. My first instinct was to start breathing in a very metered way (4 count in, 4 count out), and did that until I felt my body slowing down. After going through this lesson, I noticed that Irene mentioned not trying to interrupt the body’s journey to slowly regulate, by doing things such as breathwork, or other “wellness” practices. Should I have allowed that panic attack to regulate itself, rather than doing those breathing exercises? Is it better to let the panic attack follow its own course?
Question: I constantly get stuck on the being worthy of healing knowing all I now know about early developmental trauma and the nervous system. I am a cycle breaker in a long line of disregulation, but I now have adult children that in their informative years they did not have the regulation they needed. My husband and I argued so much and I had a very stressful job that left me empty for anything once I came home. I see all of this now and see my babies also with their own disregulation and I feel so responsible because I wasn’t attuned or regulated to be that for them. We have grown so much as a family and they are amazing humans and I am so proud of them. I tell them all the time how deserving they are of all the love and goodness, and much more, but I still feel so much shame and guilt over not being the parent they NEEDED to form their own healthy regulation and it keeps me stuck because I feel unworthy to heal knowing I didn’t give them what they needed for true nervous system regulation. Wondering if anyone else feels this way….Thank you 🙏🏼
Question: Is it just as beneficial or ok to orient while moving or doing something, instead of sitting for 10 minutes? I find myself trying to orient while on my daily walk or driving to work.
Question: Is it necessary to go back and work with specific traumas/memories in order to resolve and release them? Or can we just work with our triggers, since triggers are a sign of unhealed trauma? For instance, I’ve dealt with performance anxiety/stage fright for 30 years, due to a traumatic performance experience. Do I have to work with that specific memory, or can I just work with the current performance anxiety?
Question: I’d like to think my capacity has improved over the last year or so. But now and then something throws me off and I experience major stress responses that, at least for a while, makes me feel like I’m back to square one and hopeless. Thoughts on the many occasions I’ve experienced similar awful stress in the past come up and makes me want to avoid everything, yet also feeling guilty for not feeling more capable. Any input on how to handle this? I have a feeling that being very harsh on myself, beating myself up rather than being forgiving and encouraging, plays a role here. Perhaps both in pushing myself beyond what my capacity actually is and then also criticizing for not handling things better.
I like the image of the pool but to we make it bigger to be able to undure or sustain more positive and negative stress.
I’ve experienced all 3. Ya! 🙁 Been doing a lot of healing work since I became ‘aware’ during a shock trauma (betrayal) 4 years ago. This unearthed an awareness of a life time of trauma starting in utero. Glad to be on this program. Like Irene says, learning is healing. God bless!
Question: so orienting releases trauma?
Very good analogy with the swimming pool and the beach balls! Very helpful!
QUESTION:
What is this biology of stress video #1 mentioned around 2:30 in this presentation? I watched everything from day 1 and poked around but couldn’t find anything.
I was on such a high today reading and understanding more about the nervous system, but when I got to the “deserving” part, I felt sad. I feel that I have such little self-esteem, and doubt seems to be creeping in for me today about how much I feel I deserve to heal. I am a little disheartened, but I think I need to find that within myself. I am going to journal over and over that I deserve to heal so that I can actually, truly start to believe it. I know I need to start telling myself that I deserve it and maybe I will actually truly believe it for real. But this will be one of my biggest hurdles I think. It makes me feel less alone to see other people feel the same way about this subject. Wishing so much love to everyone out there as well trying to heal. We have got this. Healing is not a sprint, it is a marathon ❤️ We need to keep going even if it’s just tiny steps.
Question: I am becoming more aware of the fact that when I’m trying to watch the videos, my attention will go elsewhere to various ruminations. This feels related to my capacity and my nervous system, but I’m not sure in what sense – I sometimes start ruminating about my rumination. Could I have some guidance on where this might be coming from?
Question: Irene says to wait until we feel safe and okay to do capacity-growing exercises. What if we are in a space where we are experiencing dysregulation often? For example, my recent diagnosis of central sensitization that I’m waiting to see a pain specialist about gives me flares up. I’m also doing a benzodiazepine taper that adds to my nervous system stress. I am looking to heal my nervous system in the mean time. Is it safe to do capacity growing exercises when dealing with this? Should I wait til most of my flare up symptoms are gone to do any work?
Question: I find as I have with many other course practices that I don’t remember to do the exercises/practices throughout the day. I’m good at starting the day with a morning routine where I’ll do orienting but as the day goes on I forget! I wonder if it’s a form of self sabotage and unconscious belief of not detserving to be well? It’s scary that I do so many courses with different modalities – meditation, Breathwork, NLP but I don’t do the practices and give up and move on to the next course. I have very positive beliefs and intentions when I start but I never seem to finish a course or keep up with the practices. How can I get over this ?
Question: I have been thinking a lot about my relationship with my partner. We met when I have already been in traditional therapy for a couple of years, doing mindfulness practices such as meditation and yoga. I was feeling really good about myself and for the first time in my life I truly wanted to share it with someone special. Then we met and I really appreciated the closeness, direct communication, the intimacy I always wanted. But then around that time my health problems started showing up like a snowball effect, and really bad too. I started feeling less deserving, very stressed, lonely. I also needed more attention and reassurance from my partner. It became evident he had troubles in meeting my needs even with guidance. His inability to voice out feelings and words of encuragement left me feeling like in my childhood – not seen, not heard. This continues or fluctuates to this day.
It is a chicken and egg problem trying to figure out whether this would have been the path to healing either way, and I get triggered because I have not truly healed beforehand or whether this relationship is bad for me and halted or disturbed my healing. Is there any way to tell?
Question: I’m really struggling with The ‘deserve to heal’, The ‘being worthy’. I checked out a lot of Irenes resources online, but I cannot seem to find something to help me get on The track towards those feelings. Do you know where to look? I get lost in the amount of resources and then lose my focus… Thanking you in advance
Question.
I think I wrote here, but somewhat it got cancelled.
I am easily overwhelmed and activated. It seems that nothing is helpful.
Even we I try to bring simple practices (i.e. walking, orienting, pendulation, etc) I get super intense feelings in my body.
I have little capacity to stay with strong sensations. I know maybe this is too generic maybe, but I would appreciate suggestions on what to do if this happens again. How can I break the steps down? What to do when there is too much activation and overwhelm? Any practice to replace pendulation?
How to build more capacity or widen window of tolerance?
Thank you
Question: So, when someone tells us that we can use a tool for ns regulation ( butterfly hug, deep belly breath, etc), that tool just helps us to calm ourselves down, but that is not true regulation? We are only masking the real thing in some kind of way? I hope that you understand my question. 🙂